Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
