I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
