that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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