New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
