Ambien. No doubt about it.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
