In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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