He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You're like the curious george of whores
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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