so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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