I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
