ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
