would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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