This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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