chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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