I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
