i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
