your parents love me but you hate me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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