shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
