I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And then my night got REAL pukey
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
