I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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