Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
