just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
