I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
