Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
