Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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