I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
