I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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