i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
