Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
