please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
