I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I pour the whiskey from now on
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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