hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
