she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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