He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
