It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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