So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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