I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
