So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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