i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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