I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
