oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
