I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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