My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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