Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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