4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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