btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
