Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She needs sedatives and a leash
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
