I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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