Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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