I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
