Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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