Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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