Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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