I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
