He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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