I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
