the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
