Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
