I am puke
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
