the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize