Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
