dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize