Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
