Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
