just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Drake has all the answers
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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