I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
