what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
