You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
