I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize